Ever been mad? I mean, felt anger that boiled its way down to your toes where you wanted to punch something, swing something, yell, lash out? As Christians, are we supposed to feel this anger? Whether its right or wrong…I have. In fact, this past New Year’s Day.
No, I did not have a bad resolution, fireworks that shot the wrong way, sour black eyed peas, or even a favorite team losing their bowl game. Actually, a bit more serious. I left on New Year’s eve to a retreat center-just me and Timber (my faithful, furry, friend). At this guest house I prayed, studied, dreamed, and watched my all time favorite movie, The Last Samurai. I stayed through New Year’s day eating very simply, thinking and laying out the next few years. Good stuff! Around 4pm we loaded up to make the trip back to Auburn and I arrived home around 5:30 PM. It was dark and a steady rain had enveloped us all day. I walked up to the side door and to my surprise, it was unlocked. I’m pretty sure I locked it on the way out…or did I ? I had a sinking feeling and knew what I was about to walk into was not going to be good.
At quick glance, the TV was pulled out (it’s an ancient big screen projection TV) from the entertainment center. Doors to the entertainment center were open. My hall closet was open and a travel suit bag piled on the floor. Once again, I my home had been broken into. This makes two times in three months. And things they did not take last time, they cleaned up this time: DVD player, IPOD base station, classic guitar I bought in Honduras in 1999, jewelry box, .22 Winchester Rifle, and a big jug of change I’ve been collecting for about three years…what’s more, is that they always make a mess of my room. It is an eerie feeling-like being violated but no one has touched you. There is much to say about emotional violation I guess.
Really???? Seriously??? At least they didn’t break a door down like last time, instead they managed to “jimmie” open a window. I felt sick. I called Mom, I called the police and here we go again. I’m wet, mad, hurt, and asking “why”???? Why me, why can’t the leave people alone? And I’m pretty sure it is the punk kid (I’m still a bit bitter) next door. I just can’t prove it. To add salt to the wound, my new neighbors across the street were also broken into. This made two times in two weeks for them! The pole they used to get my window open was laying on the ground. I wanted to hit someone with it, wanted to smash up their car, let the air out of their tires, use it to bang on their door and ask…why? Do you really enjoy this? I mean, I baked you cookies and this is how you say thank you????
As you can tell. I’ve been very mad. And I cannot say for sure it is my next door neighbor but all the circumstances point to him. Anyway, here is the tension point….at what point does grace, mercy, and forgiveness kick in? Just this past Sunday I preached on Colossians 3:12 and taking off negative and dark things (things like anger, rage, and malice…uh oh…) and putting on thanksgiving, mercy, kindness, and forgiveness and binding these all up in love. Deep sigh…my defenses down, I know these things-but I still want justice, I still want my things back-they weren’t expensive but most were sentimental and had meaning.
I wish I had a good answer. I’ve let it go (at least some of it) and I haven’t seen my next door neighbor…it seems he has gone underground. Maybe a good thing. He is a victim of his own circumstances-did not finish high school and 18, involved in recreational drugs, no parental supervision; I have not seen his mother at home in weeks. His little brother now lives with his grandmother (good thing). So, is DC (that’s his name) stealing so he can eat? What role models does he have? Now he could be charged with a felony if it is indeed him. All the things that lead to poverty and jail…I’ve been watching it unfold in front of me. It reminds me that our ministry is literally next door and in our backyard. We do not have to go far to see people in desperate need of a relationship with Jesus. And, it extends to our other neighbors who are equally frustrated and find it difficult to trust others.
And yes, I have been forced to install an alarm system…what a shame…I really do not have anything else to protect…but feel inclined to make it stop. So, to those who have ever felt angry because of an injustice or fallen victim to these incidents-I’m with ya. We’ll just have to be wise as serpents and innocent as doves and pray for our enemies and those who do us wrong. Paul reminds us that Jesus’ blood reconciles all of the brokenness that we feel and experience; brokenness with God, with others, with ourselves, and with Creation. It gives me hope for an eternal future and a reminder of how I still must interact and love others. Have a great weekend and read Colossians!
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